Nothing to Attain
I have spent my entire life, since age 14, seeking God, heaven, enlightenment, salvation, peace, bliss - whatever you want to call that state of being that releases us from our mortal failings and all the sadness, guilt, and self-recrimination that goes along with our life here on earth.
At first, we seek something that is different from what we currently have. We want something, and we're not sure what it is, but we just know it's not what we have right now because we simply are not happy. Something is missing.
We try all sorts of techniques: prayer, meditation, charitable work, chanting mantras, working on koans, singing, and submitting ourselves to a spiritual teacher/guide who is supposed to have what we want.
Of course, to go along with our techniques for reaching enlightenment, we must also have the correct belief system - the proper view of reality. That is what tells us how we should behave to reach our goal, and it also tells us what our goal looks like. For some, that goal consists of angels with wings, harps, and praising God for eternity. For others, it is just as simple as saying, "I want to go to heaven." For others, it's an indescribable bliss in which they will dwell forever.
Oddly enough, if you were to quiz anyone on exactly what their version of heaven is like, what they will be doing all day, will they still be learning, have a family, visiting other worlds, working, etc., you soon discover that most people are working toward a "heaven" that is no more than a nebulous concept. But, "it has to be better than what we have here."
How foolish, when you think about it. In my spiritual journey, I spent some time in the Mormon faith, and ran across a scripture of theirs that rings true to me:
"And then cometh the judgment of the Holy One upon them; and then cometh the time that he that is filthy shall be filthy still; and he that is righteous shall be righteous still; he that is happy shall be happy still; and he that is unhappy shall be unhappy still." - Mormon 9:14 (from the Book of Mormon)
What this says to me is that changing from this life to the next does not suddenly make everything alright. If you are miserable now, you will be miserable in the next life. If you are happy now, you will be happy in the next life. Why? Because there is one thing you must take with you into the next life: YOU! with all your conditioning, thought patterns, emotional responses to stimuli, beliefs about yourself and others, loves, hates, and dislikes.
Whether you are happy or miserable is not determined by the circumstances in which you find yourself, but by your state of being within those circumstances.
If this is true, which I believe it is, then there is nowhere to go, no one to turn to, no book to read, no sermon to attend, no magical answer, no death, no rebirth, nothing, that can give you what you are seeking. You must find your happiness right here, right now.
This is the first major "aha" that people come across in their journey. It's an important step because they can finally stop depending on something, or someone, outside of themselves to give them happiness. But, this realization too brings only temporary relief to the seeker.
Hopefully, the next step the person makes is to realize that it's normal to be sad, angry, melancholy, wanting to be left alone, as well as the more desirable states of happiness, bliss, joy, peace, and sociability.
It's at this stage that the falsehoods stop; the seeking stops; the moving toward something better and away from something worse stops. You are no longer suspended between where you were and where you want to be.
When you're angry, you're angry; when you're happy, you're happy; when you are sad, you cry. Underlying each emotion, there is a calm sense of well-being that, "I am complete. I'm not better than anyone else, and I'm no worse than they are. I'm just human, and this is what human existence is meant to be. I don't have to be what anyone else wants me to be. I was created to be exactly who I am. This is heaven and it is hell, and I love both. I wouldn't change a thing. From the beginning, there was nothing to attain. All beings are enlightened. Some know it, some don't. I have made this journey only to end up back where I started, only to find there was nothing missing except this one realization: I am that which I've been seeking."
Even this is not the end of the journey. There is still more to realize. Most of us seek a permanence somewhere within our storm of ever-changing thoughts and emotions.
In the first stage I described above, we think we are the storm, but we hate the fact that there is both good and bad within us. We water the thirsty crops and we destroy others with our intensity. We give too much water for some ground to hold and thus cause flooding. We spend our energy sometimes before reaching those that truly need the nourishment of the rain we bring. "If only we could just be good, never causing harm" is our lament.
In the second stage, we accept that both good and bad are part of our being: we are the storm and both good and bad exists within us. The flood we caused in the fields just happened to recharge the groundwater tables, added fresh silt to the soil to make it more fertile, and was along a bird migration route where the water now serves as a desperately needed respite. We learn to see good within every bad, and bad within every good. In fact, they are inseparable. We are both bad and good, and that is perfect. We cannot fully become all good or all bad, and therefore we cannot fully live in an exclusive state of either happiness or sadness.
In the next stage, we discover the eye of the storm, the inner calm that is untouched by the surrounding chaos that whips around us in madness. Now, we think we know who we are. We are the inner calm, not the surrounding chaos of good and bad. The storm is merely what happens around us and we are beyond it even though we are surrounded by it. We have found the eternal part of our being - that which is untouched by the constant whirl of change.
Yet another realization awaits. We are both the eye of the storm and the storm itself. We are both good and bad, and yet devoid of either. We are both eternal and impermanent.
Finally, we realize that to even look at the eye and the storm as having separation is as foolish as thinking we can find the dividing line between heaven and earth. The eye penetrates seamlessly into the storm, underlies its very structure. So, there is no need to retreat inward from the storm to find solace. The same space that makes up the eye's solace also can be found in the space in which the storm's chaos operates.
In any moment, at any time, and in any place, we are complete, consisting of good, bad, and yet neither one. What we see is merely a matter of what we choose to focus on in any given moment, but at no time are we ever incomplete.
- Ron Grimes
At first, we seek something that is different from what we currently have. We want something, and we're not sure what it is, but we just know it's not what we have right now because we simply are not happy. Something is missing.
We try all sorts of techniques: prayer, meditation, charitable work, chanting mantras, working on koans, singing, and submitting ourselves to a spiritual teacher/guide who is supposed to have what we want.
Of course, to go along with our techniques for reaching enlightenment, we must also have the correct belief system - the proper view of reality. That is what tells us how we should behave to reach our goal, and it also tells us what our goal looks like. For some, that goal consists of angels with wings, harps, and praising God for eternity. For others, it is just as simple as saying, "I want to go to heaven." For others, it's an indescribable bliss in which they will dwell forever.
Oddly enough, if you were to quiz anyone on exactly what their version of heaven is like, what they will be doing all day, will they still be learning, have a family, visiting other worlds, working, etc., you soon discover that most people are working toward a "heaven" that is no more than a nebulous concept. But, "it has to be better than what we have here."
How foolish, when you think about it. In my spiritual journey, I spent some time in the Mormon faith, and ran across a scripture of theirs that rings true to me:
"And then cometh the judgment of the Holy One upon them; and then cometh the time that he that is filthy shall be filthy still; and he that is righteous shall be righteous still; he that is happy shall be happy still; and he that is unhappy shall be unhappy still." - Mormon 9:14 (from the Book of Mormon)
What this says to me is that changing from this life to the next does not suddenly make everything alright. If you are miserable now, you will be miserable in the next life. If you are happy now, you will be happy in the next life. Why? Because there is one thing you must take with you into the next life: YOU! with all your conditioning, thought patterns, emotional responses to stimuli, beliefs about yourself and others, loves, hates, and dislikes.
Whether you are happy or miserable is not determined by the circumstances in which you find yourself, but by your state of being within those circumstances.
If this is true, which I believe it is, then there is nowhere to go, no one to turn to, no book to read, no sermon to attend, no magical answer, no death, no rebirth, nothing, that can give you what you are seeking. You must find your happiness right here, right now.
This is the first major "aha" that people come across in their journey. It's an important step because they can finally stop depending on something, or someone, outside of themselves to give them happiness. But, this realization too brings only temporary relief to the seeker.
Hopefully, the next step the person makes is to realize that it's normal to be sad, angry, melancholy, wanting to be left alone, as well as the more desirable states of happiness, bliss, joy, peace, and sociability.
It's at this stage that the falsehoods stop; the seeking stops; the moving toward something better and away from something worse stops. You are no longer suspended between where you were and where you want to be.
When you're angry, you're angry; when you're happy, you're happy; when you are sad, you cry. Underlying each emotion, there is a calm sense of well-being that, "I am complete. I'm not better than anyone else, and I'm no worse than they are. I'm just human, and this is what human existence is meant to be. I don't have to be what anyone else wants me to be. I was created to be exactly who I am. This is heaven and it is hell, and I love both. I wouldn't change a thing. From the beginning, there was nothing to attain. All beings are enlightened. Some know it, some don't. I have made this journey only to end up back where I started, only to find there was nothing missing except this one realization: I am that which I've been seeking."
Even this is not the end of the journey. There is still more to realize. Most of us seek a permanence somewhere within our storm of ever-changing thoughts and emotions.
In the first stage I described above, we think we are the storm, but we hate the fact that there is both good and bad within us. We water the thirsty crops and we destroy others with our intensity. We give too much water for some ground to hold and thus cause flooding. We spend our energy sometimes before reaching those that truly need the nourishment of the rain we bring. "If only we could just be good, never causing harm" is our lament.
In the second stage, we accept that both good and bad are part of our being: we are the storm and both good and bad exists within us. The flood we caused in the fields just happened to recharge the groundwater tables, added fresh silt to the soil to make it more fertile, and was along a bird migration route where the water now serves as a desperately needed respite. We learn to see good within every bad, and bad within every good. In fact, they are inseparable. We are both bad and good, and that is perfect. We cannot fully become all good or all bad, and therefore we cannot fully live in an exclusive state of either happiness or sadness.
In the next stage, we discover the eye of the storm, the inner calm that is untouched by the surrounding chaos that whips around us in madness. Now, we think we know who we are. We are the inner calm, not the surrounding chaos of good and bad. The storm is merely what happens around us and we are beyond it even though we are surrounded by it. We have found the eternal part of our being - that which is untouched by the constant whirl of change.
Yet another realization awaits. We are both the eye of the storm and the storm itself. We are both good and bad, and yet devoid of either. We are both eternal and impermanent.
Finally, we realize that to even look at the eye and the storm as having separation is as foolish as thinking we can find the dividing line between heaven and earth. The eye penetrates seamlessly into the storm, underlies its very structure. So, there is no need to retreat inward from the storm to find solace. The same space that makes up the eye's solace also can be found in the space in which the storm's chaos operates.
In any moment, at any time, and in any place, we are complete, consisting of good, bad, and yet neither one. What we see is merely a matter of what we choose to focus on in any given moment, but at no time are we ever incomplete.
- Ron Grimes